National Wine Day.

Happy National Wine Day!  Who knew?  Not me.  Well, not until Vinomaker mentioned to me when I was on my way out to work this morning that it was indeed National Wine Day.  Nor, apparently, did every other person I spoke to today (at TWWIAGE) know that it was an official wine day.  So, to appease the wine Gods, I found as much wine as I could (at TWWIAGE) and drank it all.  Calm down Bacchus, I'm just joking.
Wine marketing at its finest.  Or, perhaps, worst.

The final.

Tonight was the final week of my wine marketing class - and the night I had to take the final exam.  I think I did alright, it was a fairly straight forward test on all of the topics covered over the entirety of the semester.
At the end of the exam, there was a question for extra credit.  The question was: Who said, "The medium is the message"?  Well, I could not for the life of me recall who had rambled off that particular, little expression.  I had written the quote down, but not the author, Marshall McLuhan.  I can't remember whether or not that I had felt that it wasn't important at the time to jot down a name.  Or that perhaps at that particular moment the instructor was speaking faster than my note taking ability.  Or even if I simply did not know how to even spell McLuhan, (Mc and Mac names can, at times, be bothersome).  I do know I won't be getting that extra point.  And I'll remember Mr. McLuhan from this point forward.
Anyway, school's out.  Whoo hoo!  Now the Christmas festivities can begin in earnest.

Revision.

I may have mused once or twice before that the English language is a funny old thing.  An example: about ten years ago, when I first started taking viticulture classes at Napa Valley College, I happened to mention to Vinomaker that I was revising for an exam.  "You are changing something?" he asked.  Pardon?  Americans generally use the word revision in the context of altering something.  Whereas, the British typically use the word revision to describe the process of going over something in the vain hope that one understands the subject matter sufficiently enough to pass an exam. Americans would simply use the word study.
Tonight's wine marketing class was a review of all the topics covered over the 16 weeks that the class was in session.  I hardly remembered any of it. So pardon me, I am off to do some revision, and panic: next week will be the final examination.

Mon Docteur le Vin.

Tonight's marketing class began with all the students being given an early Christmas present of a book: Mon Docteur le Vin.  I thought that was very nice of our instructor, although I'm positive he was given them for free by a client, but nevertheless much appreciated.  (It almost made up for him placing us in groups again, this time to write a press release for an upcoming Napa Valley College event.  I said, almost.)
The book was originally published in 1936 by Gaston Derys who was apparently a well-known French gastronome, (aren't they all?).  One could be forgiven for thinking, by having a quick gander at the 'Contents' page, that the subject matter of this book was rather tongue in cheek. Rather, Derys collected a lot of supposed scientific quotes that alluded to the healthful properties of wine consumption.  My favourite chapter has to be chapter two, I mean who doesn't love the radioactivity of wine? Vinodog 2 says it is her favourite chapter also.
A sample:  "Exactly because of its radioactive properties, wine stimulates the vital functions, organs and glands, increases the vitality of the tissues, augments the red blood cell count, positively influences the nutritional process, and regulates the tone of the vagosympathetic system."
Doctor F. Dougnac.
Good stuff, think I'll pour myself a glass of wine.

Double Gold.

Whilst reading wine-writer Dan Berger's column in this past Friday's 'On Wine' section of the Napa Valley Register I noticed that his 'Wine of the Week' was a Barefoot, NV, Zinfandel (California).  Hmmm, interesting.  I like Mr. Berger's columns and I like Zinfandel, so, with the wine's suggested retail price of a mere $8.00, I resolved that I had to try this wine - which proved to be easier said than done.
I went to three different supermarkets, but there was not a bottle of Barefoot Zinfandel to be found.  Each store carried a different selection of Barefoot wines, including; Cabernet Sauvignon, Sauvignon blanc, Merlot, a Rich Red Blend, a Sweet Red Blend (perhaps wanting to steal Conundrum Red's market share), Pinot noir, Pink Moscato (ouch!  Just typing that makes me wince), Pinot grigio and a White Zinfandel (erm, no thanks). Undeterred, I finally found the Zinfandel in a CVS drugstore - for $5.00.  Five, dollars, people!
In the same section of the Register it was reported that Wine Spectator had recently named their No. 1 wine of the year: a Cabernet Sauvignon from Peter Michael Winery (Sir Peter, actually), the 2012 Au Paradis (Oakville AVA).  Incidentally, just in case anybody is interested, the Au Paradis garnered a 96 on the Speculator's scale.
Do these two wines have anything in common? Yes, both wines are wet, red, Californian and alcoholic.  However, one of these wines would set the consumer back about $160 - $180 (if you could even find it, which is highly unlikely), and the other is currently a fiver at CVS (though, almost just as hard to find if my experience is anything to go by).  And how did the Barefoot Zinfandel taste?  One would be justified in expecting this wine to taste fabulous, after all it won Double Gold at the '2012 Ultimate Wine Challenge'.  (Please, don't get me started on the merits and demerits of wine competitions.)  This perfectly quaffable wine proved to be very fruit forward with an abundance of sour-cherry, a slight ripe-raspberry component and a nose-pleasing pepperiness.  Vinomaker commented that the nose reminded him of Necco Wafers, a candy from his youth. Although a tiny bit low on acid for my liking, and with perhaps the faintest suggestion of residual sugar, I nevertheless ended up pouring myself a second glass.
WWRPD, or think?  No matter, it's a fait accompli.  And besides, I don't really care.

The 100-Point Rating System.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again, I do not like the 100-point rating system of reviewing wine.  The 100-point scale - which, in reality, is a only 50-point system as anything with a score below 50 doesn't even seem to be considered wine - was of course popularised by the powerful wine critic, Robert Parker Jr.
The Parkerization of wine, especially Napa Valley wine, is not a new topic.  Nevertheless, my wine marketing instructor started tonight's class with a video; 'Robert Parker's Bitch' (written and directed by Tina Caputo in 2009), which elicited an enquiry from the back of the classroom, "Is it about his wife, or his dog?"  Titter, titter.
The video was interesting and was, appropriately, more about marketing than anything else, and fittingly contained an appearance by my instructor, Paul Wagner.  The classroom discussion that followed was rather thought-provoking.  I may deride the 100-point system, (and the so-called millennials may regard the system as a dinosaur from their parents era), but unfortunately the system still wields a lot of clout among distributors who often won't even consider adding a particular wine to their portfolio if said wine simply does not have enough 'Parker Points'.
Don't be sheep, people.

The label.

Tonight our instructor was back in class, returned from his jaunt to New York and Spain (Rioja).  A review of last week's 'Shark Tank' was first on the agenda.
Apparently, our instructor has it on good authority that the Sharks were simply "blown away" with all four student-presentations last week.  How special. On a more personal note though, the powers that be at the college are seriously interested in trademarking my group's redesign of the college's wine label.  From the comments my group received during both presentations of our business plan, I could tell that the new concept-label we came up with was a real contender for being considered as the new brand for Napa Valley College.  Fame at last. Yea, right.

Shark Tank.

This evening's wine marketing class was rather intense and I couldn't wait for it to be over.  As threatened, all four groups in the marketing class had to once again present their midterm projects.  This time however, we had to present them to a panel of five big-wigs which included, e.g., the President of Napa Valley College and a highfalutin Napa lawyer (whose inclusion was decidedly apropos, methinks).
It was all a bit chaotic and nerve-racking.  The Sharks wasted no time in finding fault with some of the ideas being proffered, at times even interrupting the student-presenters mid-sentence (that doesn't happen on the telly).  And some of the comments were really quite brutal, or, as the head of the Viticulture & Winery Technology programme, (a panelist himself), described them, candid.  Ouch!
By the time it came to my groups turn (now down to just three bodies as our fourth member was away on a business trip), it was already after 9 pm. Last week I had made the decision that my group would present our business plan first. However, this week I definitely felt that it was in our best tactical-interest to go last.  Standing at the front of the class, facing all the other students who now looked shell-shocked and tired, I knew I had made the right decision.  By now, it was patently obvious that everyone just wanted to toddle off home and that included the Sharks.
That's not to say that because of the late hour that my group's presentation was not well received; once again, our business plan was the least criticised of the four and the Sharks absolutely loved our redesign of the college's wine label.  One tiny criticism though, from the lawyer-Shark, was that the font on our blog was too small and it was strongly suggested that we look up somebody called Guy Kawasaki on the internet.  In return, I suggested to Mr. Lawyer-Shark that he should have brought along his opera glasses.
Hopefully, I won't have to think about this midterm project, or swim with sharks, ever again.

The Midterm Presentation.

Tonight, my little group of marketing-classmates and I presented our midterm assignment to the entire class.  And ours was indeed the littlest group.  I hadn't noticed before, but one of the other groups was comprised of seven people, (in theory, that's almost twice the man-hours that the larger group had to dedicate to writing their marketing project), so we were at a little disadvantage from the start.  And start we did, as I volunteered for my group to go first.  I wanted to get it over and done with. But I also wanted to be the first group to present our marketing ideas; wine pricing, label redesign, promotion, events, social media, etc., because I had a feeling that the three other groups would probably have the same sort of ideas that my group had come up with.  Tactics, tactics.
Speaking in public is not my favourite thing to do, but I can make myself do it.  As it turns out I didn't have to say much.  One member, a mere 25% of our motley crew, who is the lone American and the only one taking this class for a grade, (yes, 75% of my group are not Americans, or taking the class for a grade), did the majority of the presentation.  However, I didn't just stand around twiddling my thumbs, (no, I left that particular presentation skill to the two men in our group).  I busied myself with manning the class computer.  I had decided that the visual vehicle of our presentation should be driven by a blog that I had set up for that very purpose. (Thank you Blogger/Google for free blogging). The blog proved to be a great tactical coup because the other groups, as I had anticipated they would, used PowerPoint (boring) to present their visual content. Our instructor loved the blog format.
The fifteen minutes allotted to us flew by, thank goodness, and the feedback was very positive. Phew!  Then the instructor dropped a bombshell - we have to do it all over again next week for a couple of Napa Valley College-bigwigs, Shark Tank-style.  Not good.

Social media.

Tonight, being that our instructor is still out of town, my marketing-classmates and I had a guest speaker.  Andrew Healy, a native of Ireland, is the founder of 3 Rock Marketing.  3 Rock Marketing is a small marketing company based in Napa that specialises in social media. Mr. Healy's presentation was really interesting and he had a lot of good tips for those marketing-type folks who already use social media in their workplace.  In fact, he had so much to say that the class ran a little bit late, but nobody seemed too bothered.
Although Andrew's main focus was on Facebook, (and how to optimise your company's online presence - for a relatively small amount of money), Andrew covered most social media applications like; Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter.  Now, of late, I had been thinking that Facebook was a little passé, but apparently I am wrong.  It seems Facebook is still the go-to platform for companies who want to reach the most people...and translate eyes-on-the-page into dollars.
Nowadays, one cannot escape the ubiquitous, highly recognisible, stylised, little social media icons that appear on just about everything. The Facebook icon was even on a bottle of San Pellegrino that I took out of the refrigerator when I got home from class.  I'm left wondering who are the people who have the time to go to San Pellegrino's Facebook page and read about sparkling water, albeit Italian.   I am not one of those people.  I barely have time to post on this blog.

Sell, sell, sell!

Tonight, in my wine marketing class, I got to meet with my group of classmates and work on our mid-term project as our instructor is out of town.  He will be out of town next week also, as he was on October 1st (attending a conference in Spain).  Mr. Wagner is a busy man.  In lieu of a proper class, we were supposed to watch a film called Crazy People (about an advertising executive who goes mad), but we only got to see the opening credits as something was wrong with the DVD and nobody could get it to work. So, with nothing else scheduled for the evening, I had to meet with my group.
I have to say, my group is an interesting mix of people.  Originally the group was made up of 5 people, but then number 5 simply disappeared for a couple of weeks.  In the meantime, our instructor had given us an additional group member, number 6.  Then number 5 dropped the class and number 6 informed us that she didn't want to be in our group (ouch!) and so we became 4.  Only one member of our group is an American, so communication is a bit of a challenge.  Nevertheless, we put our heads together in an attempt to come up with a 5 year financial plan for selling the wine that the college produces.  (Our mid-term paper is due October 29th).  After 45 minutes I could stand getting nowhere no longer: I made my excuses and left.  Hopefully, my group and I will be able to come up with something feasible, (something better than the business plan I came up with on my own), over the next fortnight.

The three-tier system.

So Vinomaker and I have a fairly frequent conversation that goes something like this;
VM: "Hey, it's Whatchamacallit's birthday, can you send him/her a bottle of TWWIAGE Cabernet Sauvignon?"
VG: "No, I can't."
VM: "Why can't you?"
VG: "Because I'd be committing a felony if I shipped a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon to Whosit in, e.g., Pennsylvania."
VM: "Well, that's stupid!"
Yes, it would be a felony for me to ship wine into Pennsylvania and, yes, it is stupid.  But that is the current state of affairs when trying to navigate the shipping/distribution laws in the US.
Tonight's wine marketing class concentrated on the unique, and arcane, wine distribution system in the United States.  Simply put, the 'three-tier system' came into existence with the repeal of Prohibition (in 1933) which gave each state control over the sale and distribution of alcohol, (the three-tier system refers to the producers, distributors and retailers of wine).  And that is the way it continues to work to this day, with no real incentive to change the system in the states where the distributor has a monopoly (and the politicians like the status quo).  So, no, Thingamajig cannot have a birthday bottle of wine: I like my liberty too much.
It is much less complicated, in the US, to make wine than sell it.

Label it drinkable.

More on  wine labels.  In tonight's wine marketing class we discussed what exactly constitutes a wine brand's shelf appeal.  And how a winery can make their brand stand out from all the hundreds of other wine bottles on the supermarket/wine shop's shelf.
The initial impact that a label can make on a consumer is very important: the right design can act as a 'billboard' that will catch the consumer's eye and make an immediate and favourable impression. Besides all the legal mumbo jumbo that must be included on a wine label, a label should make a strong statement and be conspicuous and snazzy.  But at the same time a label should be smart, tasteful and classic - something that says that the wine inside the packaging is, after all, ultimately drinkable. The copy in the textbook says; "...create a label that is big, bright, stylish, bold, elegant, loud, sophisticated, flashy..."  So I am thinking that just a touch of schizophrenia can be a desirable thing in a label designer.  Yikes!
My label is striking, is it not?  But I'm afraid it may get pigeon-holed as a critter wine!  Double yikes!

It is still a conundrum.

Another blind wine tasting in tonight's wine marketing class.  My classmates and I were told to simply rate the mystery wines, 1 through 6, in our order of preference.  Now, none of the wines were anything I'd personally want to swallow, but two stood out as particularly undesirable to me.  The first was a Meiomi, 2013 Pinot noir - with a really funky nose, I didn't even want to taste it, but I did.  As an aside, this brand just sold to Constellation Brands for $315 million making Joe Wagner, at 33 years old, a very rich young man.  The second wine was a Conundrum, 2012 California Red Wine - it had a nonspecific red-fruit nose and, upon tasting, it was cloyingly sweet.  I had actually commented to the person sitting next to me, who happens to be a co-worker at TWWIAGE, that the wine was disturbingly reminiscent of Conundrum.  I nailed it!  I am guessing that I just don't like Wagner Family wines.
After the unveiling, the entire class acted as a mini-focus group and we discussed the merits and demerits of the labels.  I don't know if I need to visit an optician, or if I need to take a design class, but my idea of what constitutes 'shelf appeal' in a wine label was quite different from the majority of the class.  We all did, however, agree that the label on the Napa Valley College wine left something to be desired.  Someone commented that the pale blue, circular label looked like it had been printed at home for a baby shower.  My favourite label was the Parducci, 2012 True Grit Reserve Red (Mendocino AVA).  Clean and unfussy, with a sort of Wild West-meets-Bordelais-charm, the True Grit label was to the point; proprietary name, wine type, origin, vintage and producer. Besides, I'm a sucker for anything with cowboys boots on it.

Something smells fishy.

At the end of last week's class, the instructor gave me and my classmates a homework project. Our assignment was to find the silliest wine review we could.  Simple, right?  Well, not really. Over the years, I have read dozens of weird reviews that were chock-a-block with outlandish wine descriptors, I just had to pick my favourite. Problem was, now that I needed one I couldn't recall any (and I certainly hadn't kept any).
A quick search on the internet proved to be quite fruitful.  One particular wine review - and it was a doozy - repeatedly popped up no matter how I phrased my search question.  Bizarre descriptors? Strange bouquets in wine? Pompous wine reviewers?  Hmm, but wouldn't all of my classmates also come across the very same glib review by merely Googling 'silliest wine reviews'?  Yup, I had to do better.
Vinomaker suggested I use one of my own reviews.  Not funny.  Then I thought perhaps I should use a review of a wine made from a native American grape (always amusing on the palate, no?).  Scuppernong (Vitis rotundifolia) is just simply a silly grape and the review I found of wine made from this muscadine grape was rather amusing.  But, on a serious note, I wasn't brought up to make fun of the less fortunate, snigger, snigger.  So as a last resort, and I'm ashamed to admit it, I decided to seek professional help.  (Yes, I know Thud, it's long overdue.)  I sent a quick email to Dr. Jamie Goode, English wine columnist, author and wine scientist begging for a favour.  Good enough (hee, hee), Dr. Goode answered my email and then followed up with another email.  The second email included an attachment; an Air Canada Business Class wine list, with a note that said, "...they are totally meaningless." And I understand what he means.  Trite, vinous descriptors abound, e.g., "bold aromas; luscious texture; full bodied; velvety mouthfeel; complex bouquet; subtle notes of (fill in the blank); lingering finish; bright and complex; exquisitely balanced." And there were more.  If someone had removed the varietals and names of these wines I wouldn't have known, through such generic and interchangeable descriptors, if these wines were indeed red or white.  Meaningless, yes, but probably sufficient for when one is hurtling through the sky at 550 mph at 38,000 feet.  Many thanks for your input, Dr. Goode.
As it happens, I did eventually find a few silly reviews by myself.  I remembered a particular blog that I used to read years ago and recalled that the gentleman whose blog it was had a rather flowery way of writing wine reviews.  How does "a sort of red cherry licorice-cigarette paper element" sound?  It actually makes me feel a bit ill.  The same blogger is big on descriptors such as, "talc-like" and "lithic".  And "propulsive" seems to be used frequently whether it is in the describing of energy or acidity.  And I particularly like, "potent and seductive ferrous and sanguinary nature," and "chiseled and scintillating limestone elements." This blogger has received many Wine Blog Awards.  And he apparently also received a Roget's Thesaurus for Christmas.
And what was the one silly wine review that repeatedly surfaced on my web search?  It was a review by Robert Parker Jr., (I wasn't going to name names, but Bobby's a big boy he can handle it), that described a Pouilly-Fumé as having "notes of shrimp shell reduction and iodine."  Of course, the first person called upon in class read out this very review.

Faking it: perception is everything.

Instructed, last week, to bring six glasses to tonight's marketing class, I showed up at the NVC Ag Lab with the expectation that my instructor was going to teach me and my classmates what we don't know about wine. And, in a way, he did.
I love tasting wine blind and I am never embarrassed (well, rarely) when I don't pick the perceived 'winner' of the bunch.  The first flight of six wines, all whites, we were told were Chardonnays from Napa and neighbouring Sonoma - except for the fact that one turned out to be a Sauvignon blanc.  Oh, and one was a Chablis, oops!  With the second flight, reds, our instructor declined to offer up a varietal, or whether or not the wines were in fact a single varietal, (he said we wouldn't believe him anyway, which I think was true). The wines turned out to be all Cabernet sauvignons - except for the Rioja that was thrown in for poops and giggles.
The instructor's point was that each person in the class knew more about wine than the average wine consumer and if we couldn't identify the mystery varietals then how would the non-wine industry person, when faced with the choice of hundreds of wines in a retail shop, choose a wine to have with dinner.  I got the point.

Marketing warfare.

Tonight was meeting no. 2 of the marketing class that I am taking and I'm already horrified: why anyone would want to start their own winery is beyond me.  It's all fine and dandy to want to go ahead and make wine, but then you have to sell it.  And in such a saturated market, selling wine can, apparently, be quite a struggle.
This evening, my classmates and I were split up into small groups and given a simple marketing assignment to hash out between us.  (These are the groups that we will remain in to work on a business proposal we have to write for our midterm exam.  I am in an interesting group.) My little platoon of promoters and I were, for the most part, happy with the mini-marketing strategy that we had decided upon.  One by one the groups presented their plans to the rest of the class.  The instructor then informed us that we had all failed, oops!  Not one person in the class had suggested a mission statement; snappy and aspirational, defining the virtual winery's position in less than 5 words.  Hate when that happens. It's a wine-marketing battlefield out there, folks.

Back to school.

Just recently, I came to the alarming realisation that my brain was turning into mush.  And, to try to rectify that, I thought I really should take a class at Napa Valley College to whip my atrophying grey matter into shape. So, tout de suite, I enrolled myself in a wine marketing course.  The first session was held this evening.
Not having the slightest idea about anything to do with marketing, I had no notion of quite what to expect from an entire semester dedicated to this particular subject matter.  (But I knew I wanted to learn.)  The first class was a very interesting, fast-paced, statistic-filled introduction - by instructor Paul Wagner - to all things marketing, not just wine marketing. Fun. My brain was so stimulated when I got home that I needed to have a cup of tea, watch a bit of telly and write this post to decompress.  I'm looking forward to next week.